______________________________________________________________________________ | File Name : BIGFOOT.ASC | Online Date : 06/09/95 | | Contributed by : InterNet | Dir Category : UNCLASS | | From : KeelyNet BBS | DataLine : (214) 324-3501 | | A FREE Alternative Sciences BBS sponsored by Vanguard Sciences | | KeelyNet * PO BOX 870716 * Mesquite, Texas * USA * 75187 | | Voice/FAX : (214) 324-8741 InterNet - keelynet@ix.netcom.com | | WWW Mirror - http://www.eskimo.com/~billb | |----------------------------------------------------------------------------| The following claims to be a Bigfoot 'confession'. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 220 13308 <3pdk80$fip@moe.cc.emory.edu> article Path: ix.netcom.com!noc.netcom.net!news.sprintlink.net!gatech!news.Gsu.EDU !news-feed-1.peachnet.edu!news.cc.emory.edu!curly!mmccall From: mmccall@curly.cc.emory.edu (Malinda McCall) Newsgroups: alt.best.of.internet Subject: ABOI: Bigfoot Impersonation Figure (B.I.F.) Followup-To: alt.shenanigans Date: 17 May 1995 19:53:36 GMT Organization: Emory University Lines: 138 Message-ID: <3pdk80$fip@moe.cc.emory.edu> References: <3pddit$l1f@voyager.cris.com> Reply-To: Eswan@voyager.cris.com NNTP-Posting-Host: curly.cc.emory.edu X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] SWAN (Eswan@voyager.cris.com) wrote: : I used to think that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to : Bigfoot than just legend. After this shen, however, I think the folks : who claim to have sighted Bigfoot might want to ask themselves if they : were just the victims of a very clever hoax. : I used to live in a medium-sized town in Illinois (pop. < 48,000), hemmed : in by the Mississippi River on its western border and other towns and : endless cornfields everywhere else. It is the fields where this story : takes place. : One night a high school buddy of mine, after a marathon session of computer : gaming, revealed a secret he had been carrying with him about a group of : guys we both knew and hung out with regularly. They went to our high : school but lived in the more rural section of the county, where the roads : began to transform themselves into highways and the fenced backyards gave : way to vast stretches of overgrown, grassy lands. : It seemed that the brains of this operation, one year my senior and an : accomplished artist, had sewn together a large, furry, dark brown suit, : and had created his very own latex mask endowed with a pronounced brow. : When the weekend evenings rolled around, another (very tall) accomplice : put on the suit and lingered near the side of a nearby highway, waiting : for a car to come by. When it would be just within headlight range, : "Tim" would lumber across the street and disappear into the tall blades : of grass. The reactions that followed were always priceless. : The night I actually got to accompany the guys on a Bigfoot : Impersonation Figure (B.I.F.) was the last time the shen was ever pulled, : but boy, what a glorious night it was. :) : "Tim" was sick, so "Jeff" was the one who got the honor of being B.I.F. : for a night. After he suited up and we headed toward the highway, I : remember catching a glimpse of him silhouetted against the moon. For : just a brief moment, he really did look like the legendary Bigfoot. My : heart was thumping continuously, and I was nervous and shaking -- not : from fear, just the sheer thrill of what we were doing. : There were about four or five of us scattered along the side of the road, : concealed from view by the tall grass, weeds, and bushes that lined the : gravelly edge of the pavement. "Jeff" had been instructed to wait on the : other side until a car came into view (traffic was very, very sparse at : this time of night, so sometimes we did a lot of waiting). When the : headlights came, it was showtime. : The first car was an older red convertible with about 4 or 5 teenagers which : came barrelling down the highway. B.I.F. cut across the road just inside : headlight range and vanished into the field. The car slowed promptly, : and we heard a male voice shout "What the FUCK was that?!?" The car : drifted by slowly and another voice yelled "Turn around, turn around!" : The convertible made a U-turn at a nearby intersection and cruised by : slowly. They made one more U-turn, drove past the field once again, and : continued on into the darkness. We were shuddering with laughter as we : crouched down amongst the grass. : The next car, on seeing B.I.F., slowed down, paused for a moment on the : shoulder, then continued on its way. Good for a chuckle, anyway. : The next car slammed on its brakes as B.I.F. wandered into the road. : "Jeff" hurriedly staggered into the brush, looking fearfully back toward : the car. He REALLY looked like a frightened beast, I imagine because : there was very little pretending involved here! The car cut across the : road, angling toward the field, shining its headlights into the space : where B.I.F. disappeared, a few yards away from where we were. It sat that : way for a few minutes until another car came down the road, and he had to : move out of the way. It was frightening having the headlights shine so : close to us but it was exhilerating being able to laugh out loud when the : driver finally moved on. : A few more cars came down the road, with similar results. Finally, : B.I.F. wandered in front of a small, dark green station wagon. The : driver immediately pulled over to our side of the road. I heard a door : fling open and a voice shout "County police! County police!" : Now at this point, hearing this word, I thought this guy WAS the police, : and I started shaking in earnest. "Jeff" made a mad dash through the : field, discarding his mask in the process, and we didn't see him again : until much later. : Then I heard a radio crackle, and he continued: "I have just seen a : large, hairy creature, a Bigfoot, I swear to God! It was a Bigfoot, I : swear to God!" : It wasn't the police after all. The relief was almost our undoing. I was : trying so hard not to laugh, as were my friends lying next to me, but we : couldn't control it. "Chad" snickered quietly, and then the rest of us : followed suit. A series of "shush" warnings followed. The frantic man : continued, telling the dispatcher his location and punctuating every : sentence with "I swear to God," unaware that we were about fifteen feet : from his door trying not to piss our pants. : And when he was done reporting his sighting, and the dispatcher promised : that a patrol car would be sent to his location, the guy sat there. : We were stuck. If we stood up, he'd see us, and if we tried to crawl : away, the movement in the grass would give us away. We were a bunch of : scared 17-year olds, unsure what we were going to do with the police on their : way, but boy, what a rush. : Fortunately we *did* get away, after crawling slowly back away from the road : and then sprinting toward the residential area. The guy could have seen : us, I don't know; at that time I certainly didn't care. : After a rendezvous at "Jeff"'s house we had a good long laugh, then : decided to drive by the site. Lo and behold, three police cruisers sat : idling by the road, and the officers had the dogs there and everything. : The guy who called in the report looked very much like a scared kid of : about 19 or 20, with wide eyes and tousled hair. What really got our : attention, though, were the shiny black shotguns. : "Jesus," "Jeff" remarked, "I coulda been blown in half." : We headed toward town, about ten miles away, and stopped into a : Hardee's. While I was grabbing some ketchup, two police officers came : up next to me -- and they were talking about the sighting, one of them : saying it was "some crazy guy out there who puts on a fur suit -- but you : never know." Oh, man, if they only knew how close they were to the : perpetrators.... :) : Well, it made the papers a few weeks later, after another woman reported : being startled by a "gorilla" in the area. It was speculated in the : article that police believed the gorilla was "a prankster, and a clever : one at that. It eluded capture even after darting in front of a Rock : Island County patrol car..." (which I guess happened one of the nights : before I joined B.I.F.). We believe she had made the story up, since : B.I.F. had been retired the moment we saw the shotguns. Still, it was : nice that the media paid attention! : These days, Americans are less skeptical than ever about such creatures : -- witness the number of tabloid shows, dramas, and documentaries which : offer compelling evidence of the existence of strange phenomena. If you : wanted to pull off a stunt like this, chances are you'd made a believer : out of someone. : Until the next time, watch the road carefully, and remember to use your : brights. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------