(word processor parameters LM=8, RM=78, TM=2, BM=2) Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501 Sponsored by Vangard Sciences PO BOX 1031 Mesquite, TX 75150 August 17, 1990 courtesy of the Parapsychology Forum at 214-368-5474 -------------------------------------------------------------------- FROM TELECOMMUNICATIONS TO TELEPSYCHING INTIMACY AT A DISTANCE by Maurice M. Small,Ph.D. From a business or practical perspective the advantages of electronic mail and real time live telecommunications are obvious and clear. Thus for example, it speeds up the flow of information and amongst many other things helps to eliminate the game of "phone tag" (you are 'out' when I call and I am 'out' when you return my call). Similarly it allows you to very inexpensively set up an electronic conference where geographically separated individuals can 'meet' and exchange information rapidly and conveniently. Presumably the rapid growth of data ( as opposed to voice) communications usage of our telephone systems as well as its predicted surpassing of voice communications in terms of volume of usage are at least in part a result of these perceived advantages. Nevertheless there is another side to telecommunication which is not specifically business or practically oriented; it is what I will call the 'personal' use of telecommunications. As with the business use of telecommunications, the personal use is varied, probably even more so. It includes but is not limited to the flirting between "DREAMYGIRL" and "TALLTEXAN" involving a combination of OLM's ( private online messages ) and public real time message in the OVER 30 room of QANTUMLINK's PEOPLE CONNECTION ( PC). Similarly there is the somewhat regular private discussions between DOCTOR and WINDYCINDY about her divorce on GEnie or there is the rather heated thread of messages discussing child support on COMPUSERVE's ISSUE SIG - special interest group . What is unusual about these examples and an almost unlimited number of others is that here are large numbers of varied individuals interacting with each other in all the leisurely and entertaining ways we would expect them to but in all likelihood very few of them have ever laid eyes upon each other. Everything is taking place electronically, at a distance. Moreover there is a surprising vitality, vigor, openness, and Page 1 sharing of oneself. In our culture such psychological intimacy is usually limited to private settings between individuals well known to each other. Here the interactions are often public and between people who may have just met. Using some of my own experiences as a window let us look at some of the details of this 'intimacy at a distance'phenomena. I log on to CIS (Compuserve) and get a message indicating that I have email waiting. I read my mail and lo and behold there is a note from a former student of mine who I haven't heard from in several üears. His message is interesting in several ways. It is nice to hear after several years from a former student and friend of the family but more to the point, there is a 'magnetism' to his letter not unlike the experience I have with good theatre and literature. It jumps out at me. I answer his letter with one of my own, filling him in on the changes that have happened since our last meeting and inviting him to stay in contact. In about two weeks I get a very surprising reply. Even more surprising than the openness and intimate sharing of the letter is the refreshing absence of any differential behavior. This is not a communication between a student and his teacher but an intimate sharing between two close friends. Intrigued by this I set up a luncheon meeting with my newly found friend. Its amazing how much he has matured since we last meet. At the luncheon I am disappointed because my former student is just that - the deferential behavior is there in full force. Now matter how I try the barrier is still there. My potential new friend and I are trapped in the web of our habitual patterns of interacting. He is my former student, friendly but not a friend. What has happened? Given the characteristics of the telecommunications medium - particularly the absence of the typical clues to social class and status - we are free to react to each other as equals, individuals who can and wish to share the intimate details of our lives. Given face to face communication the symbols of our socio-economic and cultural status are at least for the present irresistible and we default to the old patterns of interacting. There is hope. By continuing to share electronically we may yet overcome these hurdles. Let us peer through another window. I am at a CB party sponsored by Compuserve being held at the Sheraton Hotel in Merrimack NH. CB like the original Citizen Band is the name Compuserve has given to its realtime online telecommunications service. Only here you have 2 bands of 40 channels each and can reach a national and often international audience. In the room are about 30 people meeting each other face to face for the first time even though some are quite familiar having conversed many times via CB. "So you're 'Teleshrink' (my handle)..... You don't look Page 2 anything like I pictured you." Around the room are several computers linked to Compuserves's CB, of course. People tend to form small groups around each of the computers alternating between talking with each other and conversing with others not there via the CB - saying hello , inviting people to join us, giving them directions, etc. As I watch I notice something rather odd. One of the conversations on the CB is between two individuals that are PRESENT IN THE ROOM. Rather than talk face to face ( they could not be more than ten feet apart) they are communicating with each other via the electronic telecommunications media. How artificial, how sad, how alienated... these people can only or prefer to communicate with each other in the restricted stilted manner of telecommunication. Here it is, right before my eyes, an example of how computers isolate and dehumanize us! Then I step back for a moment, look carefully at the individuals and begin to realize that things are not what they seem. From her appearance, her demeanor, and the way she is dressed it is clear that she is an upper middle class suburbanite who later tells me in her Kennedyian accent that she is from Boston while he is a somewhat overweight taxicab driver from Brooklyn New York, accent and all. Of course it is awkward for them to talk face to face; their backgrounds and socio-economic status are so different. Yet they frequently and enjoyably communicate with each other on the CB Simulator. What's going on ? Telecommunications is inherently democratic. We are judged by what we type ( the quality of our ideas ) and not the external signs of our wealth or social status. It has some of the characteristics of being in direct contact with someones' mind unencumbered by the accoutrements of social class and status that we so often hide behind. In much the same way as we can by writing personal letters or talking with a stranger whom we are sure we will never see again we can be open and intimate in expressing our innermost feelings. The social barriers are lowered yet at the same time we remain a 'safe distance apart'. Rather than dehumanizing them the telecommunications is enriching their lives with new social experiences. They get to meet, to share, and to know a variety of interesting people that they otherwise would have been unlikely to have had the opportunity to interact with. No wonder they enjoy telecommunications so much and even in some cases prefer it to face to face conversations. So do I, even for some of the most psychologically intimate forms of interaction - psychotherapy. Below is a raw unedited excerpt from the transcript of the third Telepsyching session ( psychotherapy via online realtime telecommunications) of a 35 year old male who I had been seeing on a face to face office visit basis. Page 3 We seemed to have been getting nowhere fast so I suggested we switch. He agreed and as they say "the rest is history". The transcript speaks for itself. The intimacy and power of the media are obvious. Would that all psychotherapy were as productive as this fairly typical Telepsyching session. Like Freud's couch this new way of doing therapy - this shall we say electronic couch - eliminates the distractions associated with face to face communications and let's us go directly for the therapeutic gold. And you don't even need a notebook, both therapist and patient can easily get a complete transcript. Have we stumbled onto the royal road to psychotherapy ? Possibly. I do know beyond a doubt that for some people in some situations Telepsyching is the preferred mode and is extraordinarily effective. What a powerful teaching and learning tool it is for those wishing to learn the otherwise ephemeral art of psychotherapy. What more needs to be said except I would very much appreciate your comments and criticisms. EXCERPT FROM THE THIRD TELEPSYCHING SESSION WITH 35 YEAR OLD MALE THERAPIST: Can you describe one or two of the incidents were you really wanted to be angry with one or both of your parents and didn't dare to? PATIENT: the tomato juice incident when my Father wanted my to drink tomato juice, and I was refusing to because the stuff made me sick.. I would spank me ever so often when I wouldn't drink it. After a few round my mother intervened, but I was just resigned to the situation and not being able to do anything. THERAPIST: Do you realize in the above you said" I would spank me...". Maybe its nothing but could it be that you are identifying with your father and now doing the psychological spanking?PATIENT: I hadn't realized that I typed that until you pointed it out, but yes there have been quite a few things to support the idea. I do mentally beat myself a lot. THERAPIST: Hm... in this incident(s) there also seems to be a blending of thought, feelings, and actions.... Your father was forcing you to do something that was detestfull to you and you were fighting back by resisting... even when he spanked you ... As an adult can you see how horrible that situation is? PATIENT: I don't know if I would use the word horrible to describe it. In fact I think that I have a feeling of triumph associated with it. After all, I won by not drinking the tomato juice. That last observation is new, I've always considered the incident as an example of one of my bad experiences. Page 4 THERAPIST: Interesting.... in your eyes you won!!! Nevertheless, doesn't the idea of forcing a child, or trying to, to do something as inconsequential as drinking tomato juice against his will... doesn't that strike you as unfair, wrong? PATIENT: It's certainly something that I would hope I would never catch myself doing to my own kid. I don't think it was a nice thing to do. THERAPIST: Okay so as both an adult and a child you at some level realized that your father was wrong and you resisted... when you did he would spank you... You were punished for asserting your rights , your individuality. In addition you were being taught what has been called a kind of "LEARNED HELPLESSNESS". PATIENT: That sounds right, although I don't think I ever consciously came to view it that way. In fact it cost me some effort to type that last sentence about it not being a nice thing to do. I'm just realizing that I still view my Father as infallibly right. THERAPIST: Good... things are starting to come together..... Bear with me for a moment more... you resolved this conflict/issue with your father by becoming "resigned" to it. Is that just another way of saying that as a child thru these and similar incidents you learned to fear/dislike/avoid being assertive and getting angry when somebody violated your personal space... at least getting angry was wrong because you got punished for doing so? PATIENT: I think that was close . I also remember a strong feeling of helplessness. THERAPIST: Fascinating!!!! that fits very well... the "LEARNED HELPLESSNESS". As a child you were in fact much more helpless and dependent on your parents than you are now as an independent adult..... -------------------------------------------------------------------- If you have comments or other information relating to such topics as this paper covers, please upload to KeelyNet or send to the Vangard Sciences address as listed on the first page. Thank you for your consideration, interest and support. Jerry W. Decker.........Ron Barker...........Chuck Henderson Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet -------------------------------------------------------------------- If we can be of service, you may contact Jerry at (214) 324-8741 or Ron at (214) 484-3189 -------------------------------------------------------------------- FINIS Page 5